Winter Listen,

Please …go away. At least cut your stay short by a month. I understand that you may be an essential season for various ecological reasons but I don’t want you around any longer. You’ve nipped at my fingers, toes, and nose with your frozen teeth for too many days in a row. I want to be able to casually lounge outside and watch the sunset without freezing to my chair. I want to grill again for god sake! I’m a man! Do you know what days in a row without grilling meat over an open flame does to me??!

Winter you chilly cheeky old bastard it’s about time you packed your bags and went back to the polls. My balls may finally resurface from the depths of my stomach and return to normal size. When I walk outside moisture will no longer freeze and turn my beard in to a bushel of needles glued to my paper thin skin. My gas bill won’t purge every last dime from my pockets. I will no longer have to dawn a suit of insulated armor in order to walk my poor dog who really doesn’t like shitting in sub zero temperatures.

Just consider it Winter. Pretty please.

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One comment on “Winter Listen,
  1. idiotprufs says:

    Couldn’t agree more.

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